Kevin was lying down on a bed just waking up from a late night. As he got up he started to realize that he forgot to do his English homework. In a quick motion he thrust his body up, throwing his sheets aside, and went to his table. He saw a pencil, picked it up and began to write. Sweat started to come down Kevin's forehead. He started to panic and wondered how he would ever finish his homework before leaving for school. But then it hit him. It was a Saturday. He threw his arms up in anger and went back to sleep.
Comments: Lydia
First of all, I think your stream of consciousness is very realistic and funny at the same time. It was a pleasure to read because I could actually imagine you doing that. Also, you described the situation very vividly with actions that indicate Kevin's feelings. I also like the sudden twist at the end; I never expected that to happen. It was concise but at the same time, I could see the stream of consciousness in a third person viewpoint. The only criticism is that it could have been a bit longer and a bit more informative. Maybe a bit more usage of descriptive adjectives, but other than that, I really enjoyed reading "The Waking of Kevin." Fun story, great job!
Comments: Sam. L
The story was humorous, it was pleasurable reading. It also seemed very realistic. Feeling and physical description in the paragraph are well written. The third- person point of view went very well. However, the story is a bit too short, if you put more time and some additional 3~5 sentences it would have been perfect. Great writing!
Phil's comment: Kevin, I think your story is very creative and realistic at the same time. I thought this story matches perfectly with you. Anyways, you utilized the idea of consciousness very well because you successfully used third person point of view to describe what other person is doing and thinking. However, it would be better if you've wrote more and use more descriptive adjectives in your story. Good Job:)\
Mingoo's comment: Interesting story. The actions are well described. I enjoyed reading your paragraph. I think you should make your story a bit longer though. Good job!
Jason: Happens to the best of us. A nice touch to use humor instead of a more serious undertone. I think it's at an adequate length, despite what everyone says. I don't like to read long passages anyway. Very descriptive, but could use more emotions.
Edward Cho's comment: Your detailed style of writing makes the paragraph even more interesting to read. Good job on that, however this paragraph seems bit too short to carry the whole idea of stream of consciousness. It would be even better if it was longer. Overall Good job!!
Jenice: I like how you expressed stream of consciousness very detailed because I can imagine what the person is doing. However, I would expect to see more of the thoughts of the person, not the actions of the person. If you included more thoughts, then I think it would've made a better piece. Other than that, nice job on explaining the person's actions!
Kevin was lying down on a bed just waking up from a late night. As he got up he started to realize that he forgot to do his English homework. In a quick motion he thrust his body up, throwing his sheets aside, and went to his table. He saw a pencil, picked it up and began to write. Sweat started to come down Kevin's forehead. He started to panic and wondered how he would ever finish his homework before leaving for school. But then it hit him. It was a Saturday. He threw his arms up in anger and went back to sleep.
Comments: Lydia
First of all, I think your stream of consciousness is very realistic and funny at the same time. It was a pleasure to read because I could actually imagine you doing that. Also, you described the situation very vividly with actions that indicate Kevin's feelings. I also like the sudden twist at the end; I never expected that to happen. It was concise but at the same time, I could see the stream of consciousness in a third person viewpoint. The only criticism is that it could have been a bit longer and a bit more informative. Maybe a bit more usage of descriptive adjectives, but other than that, I really enjoyed reading "The Waking of Kevin." Fun story, great job!
Comments: Sam. L
The story was humorous, it was pleasurable reading. It also seemed very realistic. Feeling and physical description in the paragraph are well written. The third- person point of view went very well. However, the story is a bit too short, if you put more time and some additional 3~5 sentences it would have been perfect. Great writing!
Phil's comment: Kevin, I think your story is very creative and realistic at the same time. I thought this story matches perfectly with you. Anyways, you utilized the idea of consciousness very well because you successfully used third person point of view to describe what other person is doing and thinking. However, it would be better if you've wrote more and use more descriptive adjectives in your story. Good Job:)\
Mingoo's comment: Interesting story. The actions are well described. I enjoyed reading your paragraph. I think you should make your story a bit longer though. Good job!
Jason: Happens to the best of us. A nice touch to use humor instead of a more serious undertone. I think it's at an adequate length, despite what everyone says. I don't like to read long passages anyway. Very descriptive, but could use more emotions.
Edward Cho's comment: Your detailed style of writing makes the paragraph even more interesting to read. Good job on that, however this paragraph seems bit too short to carry the whole idea of stream of consciousness. It would be even better if it was longer. Overall Good job!!
Jenice: I like how you expressed stream of consciousness very detailed because I can imagine what the person is doing. However, I would expect to see more of the thoughts of the person, not the actions of the person. If you included more thoughts, then I think it would've made a better piece. Other than that, nice job on explaining the person's actions!